I knew from the first SSEEO meeting I was invited to in March of 2009, that this organization was destined to be successful in everything, including peer visitations.

Our first request for a peer visit came in an email from our website that was sent to us from Maureen, the wife of a stroke survivor. Her husband Tom was a 40 year-old man who had his stroke last fall, and was very depressed. He was an active, working father, and now he was relegated to a wheelchair, his left side being pretty much ineffective.

On the first visit with Tom, I was joined by Mickey Clancy and Frankie Janisch, both from SSEEO. Immediately upon meeting Tom it was evident he was angry and depressed about his situation. We spent almost 3 hours talking to him about everything from his stroke, dogs, sports, to his new motorcycle. Although at first Tom seemed reluctant to talk, he seemed to relax a bit and actually was glad that in front of him were three stroke survivors, who at some point in time were in the exact same situation. We almost had to force him to ask us questions, and the longer we stayed, the more he opened up about his anger.

All three of us gave him encouragement explaining how everyone heals differently, physically and mentally from a stroke...so don’t give up after a few months. It was obvious that he started to welcome the chance to let loose with his anger over his situation to three people who had been right there with him years ago. He thanked us, as did Maureen, and we left, letting him know we would be back. I followed up in an email to Maureen a week later, and she said the only thing he said was that he had no idea why complete strangers would want to visit him!

I finally got to tell someone what I always wanted to say…that this is why SSEEO exists…to support the stroke survivor and their caregivers.

Two weeks later, I visited Tom again for an hour. He was lying in bed, and seemed a bit down, but he seemed to get his spirits up again in about 5 minutes. He was pretty happy to have company again. He had told me at our first meeting that he loved to draw, and he wanted to start painting motorcycles or even start a tattoo business as soon as he got to go home. This was the first sign that he actually looked forward to getting out, rather than living day to day in a depression. I concentrated on getting him to think through what he had to do at home to make this work. This turned his thought process in a different direction, which was my goal with him.

I brought him a drawing pad and a set of colored pencils which he was grateful for. He said a counselor had visited him and told him basically what we told him...that it was ok to be mad, frustrated, etc...and not hold it back. He found it great that we told him the same things and he was very appreciative of us being there. Maureen called when I was there and said "hi" through the speakerphone, and thanks for the art supplies. This would help keep him busy by designing the paint jobs for the motorcycles and the tattoo art he wants to do.

Halfway through the visit, before I could get out my sentence on how we'd like to see him (and Maureen) at the SSEEO yearly meeting, he said they were planning on joining SSEEO. He then asked if they could be peer visitors as well....I went ahead and said I would love to have them do it. He figured he would gain a lot from having people visit him, and wanted to give back to others. He really was adamant and excited about it.

Tom and I spent most of our second visit discussing nothing but sports, daily life, camping, and Chinese food.....all the things HE started chatting about. I felt it was important to not dwell on his problems and just have a normal conversation to get his mind off everything. This seemed like the next step in helping him get on with his life.

It was at this point, I started to take notes about how to develop a peer visitation program. Our first visit with Tom was a "pick me up" and introduction, letting him know he was not alone and that others had walked down the same path. Then I wanted Tom to start thinking in another direction, not about his problems and all the things he couldn't do. The subsequent visits should be driven by the stroke survivor, not us...Tom seemed to want to talk about things other than his situation, and I went with it.

During my visit with Tom, he said his next door neighbor was nice enough to build a wheelchair accessible ramp up to his house, and he may widen a few doorways for him as well...on his own time and money. I thought this was also something SSEEO needed to add to the program. We could ask construction companies to donate time and a few supplies to help people in these situations. It isn't a huge thing for the companies, and it would be a write-off. Also, the next door neighbor went to the village and asked for the building permit fee to be waived...not the rules, just the fee...which they did gladly, since the building inspector was also a stroke survivor!  I had more information to add to the peer visitation program.

I learned that we really have to LISTEN to these survivors for opportunities to add additional services. We can't just assume this is what they need, but ASK what would help. Tom also said that his wife was supposed to change the oil on his truck but hadn't yet...possibly financial, possibly just busy, but I didn't ask. This led me to think about asking for other donations, like a $30 donation from an oil change facility. Again, a write-off for the business, and a nice bonus for families during their adjustment period.

I gained a lot of knowledge, information and ideas from the visit with Tom and Maureen. It was an excellent start to our peer visitation program…one that can only grow as we get more experience and help from our membership.

Read Past Stroke Stories of the Month